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Emotional Stages of Divorce
1. Blaming the Spouse | a) focus on the spouse, blaming all past, present and future
problems on spouse.
b) develop negative self image.
c) guilt over causing separation (initiator)
d) period of disbelief, fear, feelings of loss of control etc. for non-
initiator
e) time of diminished parenting
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2. Mourning the Loss | a) focus is on acknowledging the end of the relationship
b) grieving - poor me attitude; future seems hopeless
c) over-sensitivity to comments, suggestions
d) intensive pre-occupation with his/her feelings
e) difficulty concentrating on tasks, because lost in world of feelings
f) may attempt to hold onto child in attempt to recapture separated
spouse
g) still difficult to make long term decisions
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3. Anger | a) rage from feeling betrayed - often focused at spouse
b) behind anger is fear of how will I live
c) higher energy level than prior two stages
d) anger & energy are part of same cycle - anger means movement
so good time to mediate so that energy is channeled
e) mediation can diffuse the anger - focus on tasks - budgets, etc.
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4. Being Single | a) second adolescence - trying out new experiences - often times,
spouse learns something new wanted old spouse to join in
b) growing sense of being whole again
c) begin to trust in self again, to make own decisions
d) improved self image
e) easier to make decisions
f) high energy level - ideal to mediate
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5. Re-Entry | a) time of settling down
b) feeling of being in control of your life again
c) accepts the end of the marriage and continues on new life
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